Los Angeles Fakers

I lack a wittier title at the moment, so I'll go with this one. It has about as much depth as the people it describes anyway.

That small talk conversation with the stranger next to me on the plane invariably leads to the "where are you from?" question. I'm the guy who says "I live in LA." It's most definitely not where I'm from. And, perhaps to my own detriment, will often interject this into the conversation.

But I feel compelled to. The people from LA leave me with the impression that they simply try too hard to act like they're not trying too hard. They show up late to everything. And not just because of the traffic. When asked why they love LA, I will put money on it that the first sentence out of their mouths will have some reference to the weather, rather than schools, amenities, quality of life, food, or even people.

Which brings me to Lakers fans. While I certainly can't take anything away from their passion, I can protest their knowledge. And action. Or lack of. And that was never more evident than their recent series with the Dallas Mavericks.

This is where I include my disclaimer that I am a Dallas Mavs fan. That said, some Mavs fans can be just as empty and knuckle-headed as their LA counterparts. Throw a rock into the first ten rows of a Mavs home game and try not to hit some white lady pushing 40 with fake boobs and a fat ass crammed into clothes meant for a female half their age. And the ding-dong, meat head juicer in an Affliction t-shirt and $50 trucker hat next to her. But still, they're not Lakers fans.

Yankees fans are indignant. Spin the wheel on a team for either Boston or Philly and see the wankery you end up with. And, Lord, fans of the SEC, will drive anyone nuts.

But Lakers fans, they stand alone in their lousiness.

Aside from showing up late to games, they show their colors late, too. The last three years, fans have been treated to three straight trips to The Finals. Not just the play-offs. The Finals. And despite that, the Lakers car flags don't show up until about the 3-win mark in the Western Conference Finals. Then en masse in the Finals.

Each team in the play-offs has handed out t-shirts to every fan in attendance to color-out the stands. Blue-outs in Oklahoma City and Dallas. White-outs in Memphis. The same even in Chicago and Miami. But only a smattering of yellow in the LA stands. Granted, there was a "24" jersey in the background of every televised shot, but most were too cool to put on their "The Time is Now" trophy shirt. Memphis, OKC, Dallas, the people sitting around you will ask you why you're the only one not wearing your shirt. I get the impression most LA fans will take theirs home to give to their gardener.

And then the lack of action. They didn't stand behind the backboards to provide distraction while Dallas took free throws. They didn't waive anything. They barely made noise. They thought they were sitting at home watching on TV. They might as well have. They probably could have purchased a nice one for what their seats cost.

The only time you knew they were there was when they booed. And it wasn't the Mavs they booed, even as they had their way with the Lakers on their home court. The Lakers fans booed their team. Their two-time defending championship team. They booed Pau Gasol, their steal of a trade, who helped them reach three finals in a row and win two of them. They even booed Kobe. Kobe. "You sucks" were heard. Really? REALLY?! I've never heard Dallas boo Dirk. Not once.

And, ultimately, this brings me to a key point I want to share with you: LA does not deserve another NFL team. The shine of a new team will wear off after three seasons of sub-.500 ball. A franchise which moves to LA is insulting their current fan base, as well as strengthening the perception that the NFL is nothing more than a corporation. A brand new franchise, although highly unlikely due to the current OCD-like even number of teams that make up the league, is dead-in-the-water without a proven star. Or two. And beyond that, the stadium itself, the pipe dream they want to build on land currently occupied by the Convention Center downtown, will be at least half-filled with people wearing the visiting team's colors. This is the direct result of many in LA living here, not being from here. Ultimately, any NFL team that plays in LA has one ultimate outcome: moving to another city.

I suppose the most-likely candidate to make the move to LA is Jacksonville, now that the Minnesota Vikings are off the list. Which brings me to another point that irks me: how do people allow themselves to be bamboozled into paying for football stadiums? Say what you will and feel how you will about Jerry Jones, but the dude paid for his own billion dollar stadium. The gall of the Vikings to strong-arm (read "blackmail," if you like) Vikings fans into paying half of a billion dollars for a private stadium, lest they lose "their" team, is astounding. "Their" team. How do billionaires pull it off? That's like Target telling you to pay them to open a store in your neighborhood, then charge you $25 to park there and $70 for a six-pack. Hell, man. Trickery like that is nearly an art.

The NFL will come back to LA, one way or another. Whether it should doesn't appear to be the important question right now. Either way, LA will remain Lakers' town. And what that amounts to isn't much, in my opinion.